Isabella Raine

As a child, I had this vision of what my life would be like. As you’d expect, it doesn’t look much like what I’m doing now. 

I feel years behind where I want to be in most all aspects of my life. Little me thought I’d have a degree, a spouse and my own place by now; Or at least have more healthy, adult habits… Instead, I'm 22, single, I live at my parent’s house, I’ve dropped out of college three times, and there are so many things about my life that I need to change. So what are my honest goals at 22?

For many of my teenage years, I was just trying to make it through alive, so as you’d imagine, a lot of good, healthy habits and goals little me had in mind fell through the cracks. 

The Covid pandemic definitely set me off-course. Before Covid hit the states, I was living on my own in a new town, going to college, on my way to earn an associate’s degree. 

I can only imagine how different my life would’ve been if I hadn’t needed to move back to my family’s home in March of 2020. 

It was great getting to spend so much time with family and feel like life was sort of on a pause, but I had friends who kept going to college in person in 2020 and 2021. It was easy to resent and envy them, which piled onto the hurt that was having to move back and drop out of college. 

Just last year, I thought I’d be in Canada studying Journalism and Digital Media with a place of my own right now. I had how I’d make my comeback all planned out. I made it to Canada, and I had my own place, but I moved back before school even started. Not because I didn't love it. Not because it wasn't everything I hoped for it to be, but I wasn't ready to make such a big move when there’s so much I still need to work and catch up on. 

I understand everyone’s path looks different and there is no timeline to follow, but I would like to work on catching up to where I thought I would be and being the best, healthiest version of myself I can be before trying to move again. 

I decided– 2023 is going to be the year I get my shit together and there is a list of things I want to do to become more healthy and stable. I want to be ready so that I’m the best, most confident version of myself. Every time I’ve tried to move away, I’ve not been ready. So this is my bid to be ready for anything and everything that could come my way before moving again. 

My goal is to move by the end of Fall 2023, so what do I want to change? 

When it comes to my physical endurance and strength, there are infinite ways to achieve this goal.

The obvious answer for many is to go to the gym. Personally, I just signed up for a Planet Fitness Membership. It's much more affordable than the rest of my local options, seeing as I don't live somewhere with a gym connected. There's an initial fee, but after that, the monthly rate is incredibly affordable and it gives you access to a large range of equipment for whatever you choose to do in your gym journey. The other cool thing about Planet Fitness is that they pride themselves on being a judgement free zone, so the atmosphere typically tends to exhibit that.

As I’ve addressed in a few different blogs, Roller Skating is arguably the way to exercise. From incredible cardio, to working almost every muscle group, skating is fantastic for your health. When I skate, I feel my endurance building daily, so I’m making an effort to skate every day the weather allows for it. This also goes toward a goal of mine to become a more proficient and capable skater.

As someone who can't drive, another simple way I can boost my physical endurance and strength is to start planning ahead and walking to any given location instead of bussing or catching rides. I currently live in a very small, walkable town, so it’s just about making the commitment to plan ahead and get out there. I could walk to and from work, as well as downtown whenever I want to catch sushi burritos and boba, or go to the movies. This will become easier and more enjoyable as the weather gets warmer.

Currently, I work part time at a Montessori Preschool. It’s not enough to be independent yet, and I don't have it in me mentally to work more structured hours. When I move to a bigger city, they will pay me more, but still not quite enough for me to reach my financial and lifestyle goals. I could probably find a way to work more hours if needed, but this could set me up for a quick burnout and failed attendance.

For years, I’ve known the answer, but am just now getting to making it happen. As someone who struggles with mental health and stability, I’m a job hopper. Not because I don’t love, or enjoy the jobs, but because every once in a while I become unable to attend a job that requires a regular schedule or attendance. So as per these circumstances, I know I need to find a way to work for myself on my own terms with a flexible schedule. Right now this means blogging, (and working a very ‘lax and sustainable childcare schedule.) 

Longterm, I am working toward full-time blogging as it gets to a good and average stable income. As someone who loves to write and has lots to say, blogging meets my every need and it’s just about working on it until it becomes a sustainable career. It’s a lot of work and I have lots to learn, but it gives me a lot of flexibility that I need. 

The most important need and change is clear. I need to be more stable and ready for whatever life throws at me. 

If I want to move out of my family’s house again, I really need to be prepared for life on my own. I don't want to be 23 or 24 and moving back in with my parents because of my mental health after three or four failed attempts to succeed on my own. 

I’ve already adjusted my meds to a better place, so what I believe will seal the deal for me is Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. 

It’s essentially this program with a big book of skills and worksheets to learn and implement into your life at any given struggle or crossroad, and working on behaviors you want to reduce. I’m a month into a 14 month program– although I’ll have gone through the book one full time at the six month mark. 

So far DBT has changed my perspective a lot and given me some really key tools for my struggles. DBT is good for eating disorders, addiction, BPD, suicidal ideation, self harm and more. I struggle with a few of these, but I’m currently working on my binge and comfort eating. Some skills they’ve taught me for this are urge surfing, mindfulness of emotions, finding opposite actions to binging and alternate rebellion. As well as teaching me about Dialectical Abstinence. 

Two months in and I already feel a surprisingly large amount different and decently successful. 

If you need guidance or support and you don't know what to do, TalkSpace can be a really great option. It connects you with an available therapist that specializes with your struggles and needs without the hassle of looking for any available therapist in your area. I know that when I was looking for a therapist, there were no therapists with availability in the area, and if there were, they didn't match my needs. If I wasn't in a DBT program right now, I would be back on TalkSpace getting matched with the right therapist for me. They have availability for texting, as well as weekly calls, or video sessions. The other neat thing about TalkSpace is you can switch therapists at any time with almost no effort needed.

All in all, I feel hopeful for these next six to nine months and accomplishing my goals. I’ve already had a good start, but as the weather gets warmer and time gets on, I'm confident I will see the results I’m looking for. From skating and my endurance to blogging full-time.

It’s all about trial and error and not giving up.