Fresh Start

How To Start Over

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At the end of 2020, I went through a breakup that made me realize I wasn’t content with where I was as an individual. It wasn’t until then that I noticed I wasn’t expressing myself in life. Whether that was through a lack of hobbies or what I chose to wear on a daily basis.

My main shtick was that I played video games and wore sweatpants most of the time.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with either of those things, and if I had been financially independent, I don't think this would've bothered me, but I wasn’t content with living with my parents and playing video games anymore. I wanted more to show for myself at 20. I needed to start over.

I spent the next two years cultivating who I was as an individual.

So how did I do it?

I moved
I started new, empowering hobbies
I made appearance changes
I digitally detoxed
I got into therapy

The Thing about Moving

Although moving may feel like it’s the most obvious way to start fresh, I wrote this first because it was the least successful thing that I tried. Moving may be successful for some and not for others. I rushed into it trying to escape before taking care of the little things I needed to change. I learned about my priorities and needs through doing it, but I wish I had slowed down and made sure I was ready to move to a whole new place where I didn’t know anybody.

Especially when social interaction is so essential to my personality and wellbeing.

I moved to Canada from the United States, and It was somewhat of a dream, but I ended up moving back within a few months and feeling like I was back at square one. Being in Canada, days of travel away from everyone I loved, I learned very quickly that I wanted to be closer to the people already in my life.

So while I wasn’t meant to be where I had chosen this time, it taught me what I want for the next time I try moving and how to choose my next home.

Find a New Hobby

One thing I did that I found helpful as a way to start fresh was by finding new hobbies. They gave me ways to express myself, something to spend my time on, and a whole new way to identify. Seeing myself as a skater and an artist, rather than the lack of ways I had to identify myself before. I needed to create who I was, rather than seeing myself as things that have happened to me. It’s hard living day-by-day not knowing how to view yourself, or what to identify with.

It’s never too late, and you’re never too old to start a new hobby. It can be discouraging, as you think you “should have'' started sooner, but time will continue passing. You can either start now, or continue delaying. I delayed the start of many hobbies I was interested in, and doing that only gave me regrets and envy.

As you begin to wonder what this looks like for you, I compiled a list of options for others to pursue.

You might notice some of these are free, while others require a studio or equipment. Youtube, Pinterest, and local secondhand goods stores will be your friend when it comes to equipment and learning without taking classes. I chose a more expensive hobby, but I find that it has been worth every dollar as it has greatly increased my quality of life and benefited the way I view myself.

New Hobbies for a New Life

Running
Hiking
Playing an instrument
Roller Skating
Skateboarding
Biking
Going to the gym
Playing a sport– like volleyball, tennis, baseball, etc.
Aerial silks or trapeze
Dancing
Painting
Drawing
Collage making
Photography
Photo editing
Writing (could be poetry, prose, storytelling, songwriting or journaling.)
Crocheting

I chose roller skating and I started off by buying the least expensive (and cutest..) roller skates I could find, added some better wheels, and called it good. When I decided I loved it and was ready to commit, I bought the more expensive, better quality roller skates. Now I’m an avid street skater looking for my second pair of quality roller skates, and getting into park skating.

My only complaint would be not having more friends that skate!

Change Up your Appearance

One of the go-to moves when trying to start fresh is to change your appearance. There are so many ways to change up your style, so it’s all about what you want for yourself and your overall goal. I have tried many that I think substantially changed the way I present—some being more extreme than others.Just choosing a few really changes up your look.

From changing up your clothing to shaving your head, enjoy a short list of my favorites.

Cut your hair
Dye your hair
Shave your head
Stop wearing jeans, and start wearing anything else
Start wearing makeup, or just eyeliner
Stop wearing makeup
Get yourself some new glasses, and try something fun!

Digitally Detox

There are so many ways to detox digitally, but these are my go-tos for a fresh start.

Go through your Contacts list

Begin by going through your phone’s contacts list and delete people who are no longer relevant, or whom you wish not to speak to. It’s less likely you’ll impulsively text your ex if you don’t have their number. As a bonus, this will free up some storage on your phone as well.

Sort Through Your Following List on Instagram

With a similar mindset, go through your following list on Instagram and sort through it. Do you really need the girl from your 10th grade English class? What about your old friend’s aunt?
And please, oh please, unfollow the people whose posts make you anxious and nauseated. We all follow people we could live without. Online, extras can create clutter and unnecessary FOMO.

I go through this process on a regular basis.

Sorting or Deleting Old Photos

Sorting through photos can be hard. What I suggest is to store photos that cause any kind of distress somewhere safe and distant. If you’re like me, you don’t need the heartwarming, soul crushing video of you and your ex singing in the car on a sunny summer day from 2019 on your phone, but maybe you can keep it on your computer for a later day and time. If you’re not opposed to it, you can also consider deleting and saving a little extra storage, as well as sanity.

I opt to delete some, but not others. Although I know people, like my sister, refuse to delete any. For better or for worse.

As a bonus, you can delete old text conversations
This can save you some quick gigabytes!

Going through your Apps

Lastly, go through your apps, to reduce storage, screen time, and doom scrolling. Delete for the sake of clutter. Delete for the sake of your mental health. Delete for the sake of how many hours you spend hitting refresh waiting for something to happen.

If you still want to use an app, but reduce frequency and total time spent—I recommend using your phone’s search engine to use the website versions, or logging onto your computer; As I typically tend to scroll less mindlessly on my computer. If not, removing it from your home screen can have a similar effect.

This is a good way to use apps more intentionally.

Find Guidance

Last, but not least importantly, guidance.

Get Into Therapy

If you can access therapy, that’s a great start to help process and assess where you are and where you want to be. I underestimated how much I was keeping bottled inside and how much I (desperately) needed, and still need, professional guidance.

Other Ways to Find Guidance

If therapy isn’t in your wheelhouse, that’s okay, too. There are plenty of resources and other ways to find guidance in your life. Whether that’s talking through your thoughts with a friend, some kind of life coach, guidance journals, or shadow work prompts you can find online. Whatever it is, digging to find your priorities, goals and growth is so important.
In addition to that, trust your instincts. Even if it means changing your mind on something you made a big deal about.

Conclusion

A lot of the last two years was trial and error after trial and error. Seeing what fit and what didn’t, reprioritizing and trying again. After purging your phone, changing up your look, finding a new passion, and getting into therapy, your life can start to look a lot different.

It's 2023, and I have the backbone of my identity now, but I'm back in my hometown after the plans I made for myself, along with my mental health and friendships, collapsed.

So as I feel like I’m starting new again I’m going to repeat this process.

I know I was so much happier and healthier after going on this journey the first time and I look forward to going into it again with more knowledge and experience.

Isabella Raine